C#/.NET signal
Has been spotted turning business rules into backend code on purpose.
0% — recruiter detected
pink propaganda new: hireable
Hire
Sebastian
Software & Systems Engineer
C#/.NET, Python, SQL, APIs & integrations
production issue investigator with cute release notes ♡
Why should you hire Sebastian?
*results may vary. no recruiters were harmed in the making of this list.
Production tested
Investigates real issues through logs, SQL, cache state, APIs, and suspicious behavior.
SQL
Can read database state without immediately blaming the frontend.
Debugging
Will follow the bug from support report to root cause to release validation.
Optimization
Made cart processing roughly 10x faster by removing redundant legacy work.
Systems range
Writes .NET, Python, SQL, APIs, and the occasional frontend when delivery requires it.
Sebastian.exe CUTIE POWER LEVELS ♡
clinically validated cutie metrics (peer-reviewed by vibes)
systems thinking 94
C#/.NET 96
SQL 90
Python automation 88
APIs & integrations 91
production debugging 100
frontend when needed 72
coffee 999 ✦ illegal amount detected
meetings tolerance ? 17
Certified facts pulled from the world's most trusted source: vibes
scientifically proven reasons why hiring Sebastian is lowkey correct ♡
reason of the moment
Reason #001
rare drop: 5★ software systems engineer
Can this babygirl survive your tech stack?
honesty will affect the vibes ♡
Does your company use:
Tick some boxes. we don't judge. (we do.)
Girlypop Compatibility Scan ♡
vibe scan in progress… subject appears intrigued
babygirl index 0%
scanning vibes…
pink tolerance acceptable ♡
yasification complete
threat level can optimize SQL
the girls in the groupchat have spoken
scroll down to see what they decided about your next hire
100% real testimonials*
peer-reviewed by the algorithm, girlbossed by HR
"He fixed the bug."
"Who gave him production access?"
"It works now. Don't touch it."
"Can you also make the button slightly more blue?"
"I told him it was impossible. He did it in two days."
"Great work. Only 47 minor revisions needed."
"More stable than our sprint planning."
"I asked for a tiny fix and somehow the whole thing became better."
"Would absolutely let him touch the database again."
"He understood my vague requirements. Disturbing."
"Our APIs fear him."
"We hired a developer and got a debugging cryptid."
*definition of real may vary
ok jokes aside.
switching to corporate-compatible communication… yasification temporarily suspended
I'm a software and systems engineer working across C#/.NET, Python, SQL, APIs, integrations, and production systems.
I like building things that solve actual operational problems, debugging systems that aren't behaving, and improving code that already exists — not just starting greenfield projects.
Open to employment or B2B opportunities, including remote, hybrid, or relocation-based roles ♡
You reached the bottom.
Achievement unlocked:
Recruiter with an attention span
Sebastian status:
🟢 systems-ready ♡